In order to generate publicity for his return to competitive cycling, Lance Armstrong will challenge the Large Hadron Collider to a race around the 17 mile circuit.
When asked how he intends to beat a proton traveling at 99.9999991% of the speed of light, Armstrong will reply, “In cycling, giving only 99.9999991% is the difference between coming first and second. If you’re not prepared to give your full 100% during the race you may as well stay at home.” No one at the press conference will bother to correct him, figuring he will work it out for himself on race day.
To everyone’s surprise however, the first race will end in a draw. Just as the starting pistol is fired, the particle accelerator will malfunction. Technicians will work feverishly to fix it, as Armstrong will edge ever closer to the finish line. The technicians will finally succeed in a accelerating a single proton, just as Armstrong is within an inch of finishing. The two will cross the line together.
Still not fully grasping the situation, Armstrong will immediately call for a decider. This time the accelerator will work perfectly, and will proceed to not only beat Armstrong but lap him 19,986,164 times.
Finally Armstrong will “get it”, and will quietly exit through a side door.
Funny stuff dude!
This is quite possibly the funniest shit ever.